Don't we admire people who can carry themselves well? Someone who is not afraid to be themselves, not afraid to say what they think, not afraid to speak up, not afraid to be wrong, in fact, they seemed practically fearless. You can either admire these people from afar or learn from them and work on your own life.
I was not the most confident person in the world. In fact, insecurity was part of my life that it dictates how I should live, which is really sad since insecurity just keeps you caged up inside - afraid to experience the unfamiliar. Although I have conquered some parts of my insecurities, I will not say I am 100% confident. Like many who are finding ways to improve themselves, I have many rooms to work on. My colleagues/friends can testify this passionately especially on how I will grovel to the most intimidating character. Although I beg to differ, there is some *ahem* truth in it.
But, that shouldn't stop us from growing, yup?
So here's what I have picked up about building your self-esteem:
#1: Get to know yourself
Having a better self-awareness helps you to understand your feelings in different situations. A lot of times, I was unable to function because I wasn't able to process what were the uncomfortable feelings that spiral within when someone made a sarcastic remark. By then, I would go into my default mode of cowering. But if you are able to understand yourself better, when weird situation hits home, you are able to acknowledge your emotions and take control of your own mind and respond accordingly.
Recommended to get a journal to pen your self-discovery. Make a list of your strength and weakness. No matter how small you think your strength is, write it. Be specific. Do not generalize things because you want to understand yourself at this point.
#2: Know your worth
The mental battle
Low self-esteem people are known to bash themselves a lot, which explains their moodiness and depression. You don't have to do that anymore.
You have a choice to stop. Every time your mind tells you that you are worthless, the lousiest sh*t in the world, the freak, a monster, you can consciously tell that evil voice these...
A: I am a beautiful creation of God. I am not an accident.
B: No. I will not believe the lies.
C: I am worth much, much more. (Find out why from your Christian friend)
D: I don't have to be a loser.
#3: Develop yourself
After doing a personal journal on yourself, you have an idea what're your weaknesses and strength. Look at which areas that you want to improve. At first sight, it may look like an overwhelming task to work on so many areas of your life but put that feeling of dread aside. You don't have to do it all at once! One thing at a time. If you can even overcome one area of your life, you are already an overcomer! No one in this world has got it all, so don't worry about not being good enough. I cannot give a solution here cause everyone works differently. For every problem, find out ways suited to your learning to overcome it (google or friends/family are great places to start).
#4: Grow your skills
This goes hand-in-hand with #3 but when I said grow your skills, I meant hobbies, things of interest. If you like to sing, find ways to get better at it. If you don't have a hobby, get one! Even if you do have a hobby, no harm learning new stuff.
#5: Surround yourself with positive people
Try to look out for people who have a positive outlook at life. There is an old saying that goes "You are who your friends are". If you want to be confident, hang out with confident people. Whether you realize it or not, you will be picking up the thought process of the people around you.
#6: Feed yourself with positive "bread"
Ever notice how depressed you are after series of soap operas? Or how happy you are listening to a happy song? You are what you eat. The same goes with you are what you read/see. So choose your reading materials/ movies/ music carefully, you want to develop yourself and not bring yourself to depression. I am not saying you should refrain yourself like a monk - Just be aware of what you are inputing into your world.
#7: Learn to laugh at yourself
While you are living life and developing your confidence, it won't be an easy journey but who said it has to be dark and gloomy? It's okay to laugh at yourself! Don't take yourself too seriously - have fun. Learn to laugh at yourself. It doesn't mean you are devaluing yourself but in fact quite the opposite. Humour helps you through sticky situation, seriously! Like how I often come up with the lamest joke and when no one gets it, I will admit defeat and declare it as not funny (somehow, this always got others laughing)
I believe there's so much to learn from personal development (especially on the confidence part), feel free to share your thoughts on this. While you are at it, you can read this down-to-earth guide to developing self worth:
http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2009/06/02/29-ways-to-increase-your-feeling-of-self-worth/
- pamchoo
p/s: Just a note, it really helps to have the God by my side as I learn to grow out of my insecurities.
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